Being a Good Girl Is Not Good for You

People-pleasing has become a modern plague for many women.

Driven by the pressure to be accomodating and agreeable, they can’t help by saying “yes” even when that harms their well-being.

What many don’t realize is that people-pleasing starts in childhood, and it’s deeply rooted in how we are raised.

Traditional discipline and conditional love

Traditional discipline demands obedience, often disregarding a child’s feelings and individuality. It doesn’t account for developmentally appropriate behaviors or a child’s authentic self-expression.

By prioritizing control and compliance, traditional discipline disconnects children from their inner voice. They learn to suppress their emotions to avoid making adults uncomfortable. Arguing is seen as entitled and ungrateful, and expressing needs is labeled as selfish.

Be a good girl and do what I say!

When a girl learns that her worth is based on pleasing others—being quiet and compliant—she grows into a woman who avoids conflict and suppresses her true self.

The Good Girl Trap

Because of this kind of upbringing, many women get trapped in a cycle of seeking approval at their expenses of their authenticity.

They say “yes” to avoid conflict, because they are used to prioritizing others' comfort over their own well-being.
They suppress their authentic emotions, pushing down anger and frustration to maintain harmony.
They are paralyzed by fear of failure because good girls are perfect and don’t make mistakes.
They struggle to assert their needs, and always prioritize those of others instead.
They lack self-confidence and self-esteem, and rely on external validation to feel worthy.

The result? Depression, frustration, and burnout. Is being a “good girl” worth the cost?

How to break the good girl cycle

Freedom from people-pleasing begins when we love ourselves unconditionally, not for who others think we should be. By unlearning the belief that our worth depends on others' approval, we can finally hear that inner voice we’ve silenced for so long.

It requires us to get in touch with our feelings, which is something that might be unusual for many, honor them and validate them, giving ourself space to feel and heal.

When we finally learn to give ourselves the love we’ve been seeking from others, we reclaim our power to say “no”, make aligned choices based on what feels right, and set the healthy boundaries that we need to thrive in our relationships.

So, don't be a good girl. Be yourself.
Piss off people with your boundaries, stand up for yourself, prioritize your well-being, and don't be afraid to disappoint. Who's for you will love you even more.

"Don't be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself trying to please everyone else" - Anonymous