It’s late. She snoozes her alarm again and drags herself out of bed, cursing herself for watching “just one more episode” last night. The kids will be awake soon, and breakfast needs to be made. There’s no time for fancy eggs—store-bought cookies will have to do. Her husband left early for the gym, leaving the laundry pile untouched. Getting the kids dressed is a nightmare—like always—and by the time they’re out the door, she’s already drained.

I spent the first year of motherhood feeling resentful — for all the things I couldn’t do and all the things I had to do alone.

I felt unsupported, and the help I did receive felt like half-baked kindness, often leaving me questioning whether it came from a genuine desire to support me or a sense of obligation. I wasn’t able to express how I felt or communicate what kind of support I truly needed.

The resentment built up so strongly that it often overshadowed the gratitude I should have felt — could have felt.

Looking back at all this, I wonder —if setting boundaries is such a life-changing act of self-care (and we know it is), why is it so hard for so many of us?

My take is that many of us struggle with boundaries because we fear being seen as selfish or unkind. We’ve been conditioned to say “yes” to avoid conflict and we feel guilty for even having needs that might make others uncomfortable.
After all, good girls are supposed to be nice, quiet, and compliant — right?

We can be so disconnected from ourselves, that we don’t even recognize when a line should be drawn until it's too late. We crumble under the pressure of trying to be endlessly available to our children, partners, and everyone around us, only to feel like an empty shell of the person we once used to be, at the end of the day.

But setting boundaries, first with ourselves and then with others, can improve our lives beyond imagination. And we all know that.

Clear boundaries reduce our stress and allow us to regain control of our time. They make it possible for us to carve out space for what matters most — whether that’s family time, personal time to recharge, or a more peaceful environment. They allow us to make choices that align with our values and priorities. They help us protect our energy, peace of mind, and well-being.

Boundaries make our lives easier.

Patti chiari, amicizia lunga — we say in Italy.
Clear rules make for lasting friendships. And it’s true.

Your boundaries tell people how you expect to be treated, what you’re available for, and what you won’t tolerate. They foster mutual respect, trust, and understanding, avoid you a lot of resentment, and build a foundation of empathy and support for your relationships to thrive.

They are, without the shadow of a doubt, a powerful act of self-care.

I’ve seen the positive effects of speaking up for myself first-hand, and I now go around preaching to other women to step up to protect their peace of mind, even when that means having hard conversations, making others uncomfortable, and ending unaligned relationships. Because our peace of mind is our most important asset.

In my experience, setting healthy boundaries starts with building self-awareness and connecting to your authentic voice. You can ask yourself questions like:

• What are your needs, values, and limits?
• What feels uncomfortable? What overwhelming?
• What do you need, to protect your well-being?

Anger is often a signal that tells us where boundaries are needed, so that’s also a good place to start.

Once you’re clear on your priorities, the next challenge is communicating your needs with clarity and confidence — and that’s where many of us struggle.

NVC (Nonviolent Communication) taught me that one of the biggest reasons we fail to get our needs met is that we don’t know how to express them without sounding demanding, critical, or judgmental.

We want our partners to support us more, yet we expect them to read our minds — and then resent them when they don’t. We shut down when they say “no” to our requests, building a wall of frustration that lingers for days.
“Do you even realize how hard this is for me?” — we yell, without first pausing to understand what might be going on for them.

Learning to communicate effectively is one of the most transformative skills we can develop. When we speak our truth with clarity and confidence, even the hardest conversations become opportunities for connection. We feel heard, seen, and supported — because we finally know how to ask for what we need.

Finally, and this might be the hardest part, we need to be consistent and stand our ground when someone oversteps a limit.

A boundary is useless if crossing it has no consequences, and allowing others to ignore a boundary they’re aware of shows that you yourself don’t value it.

This process might not be easy at first, but if you want to start living in alignment with what feels right for you, it’s definitely worth the temporary discomfort.

Because setting boundaries may make others uncomfortable — but the cost of not having them? You.